Backtrack: Sameeha

Long 'Behind the Music' post on this track. Feel free to skip it and go listen to the rest of the album instead, ok?

Last year, Callan Holderbaum (Grayscale co-producer, ie. the one who had to record take after wheezing take) gave me a short CD of instrumentals he had produced on his MPC1000. Of these, there was one track that instantly stood out in my mind, the instrumental for what would go on to become 'Sameeha'. That day, I had the final 'verse' written out - it bares the distinction of being one of two tracks on the album unchanged from the day it was written. Upon recording the first demo cut that night, I came to the -intoxicated- epiphany that this song was the justification for my dreams of being a hip hop musician. Every word seemed to write itself; the song came together cohesively on the first try. There was no drawn out writers block, hours of faux-editing bullshit. No forced struggle to try insert meaning and poignancy into otherwise vapid lyrics. Everything fit. And then, I grew to hate the song.

There were a lot of reasons for me not to put this track on the album, the most obvious being my own fear of exposing so much of my inner sanctum. By nature, I'm withdrawn when it comes to my family. I haven't engaged with them in any meaningful way since I was in middle school , and as a result, my relationship with them is distant to the point of non-existence. My sisters (one of whom this song is directed to and takes its name from) and I did not associate on similar planes. To them, I'm a specter who floats in and out of their lives on occasion. And as I kept on listening to this song, I began to doubt its message, and through that its necessity on the album. 'There's no reason for anyone to hear this', I figured. 'Do I even believe this myself?'

Of course, over time any artist will come to scorn the works they praised at inception. I don't know where I'm going with this but allow me to ramble a bit longer.

'Sameeha' was the last track to get mastered for the album. Up until a day before release, the song was still in limbo, still on the brink of the cutting room floor. Finally, I swallowed my doubt and threw it on. Now it seems like you (the ever-loving and ever-judging audience) have grown quite partial to it, against my predictions.

I still rarely talk to my sisters. Does that make this song less meaningful?

Again, just rambling.